A Loss from a Dearest One

My entire life has been circling around in the way that I should die. As many say, death is terrible, the loss of a loved one is something that you just can grief. I had never experienced a death of someone until now, and believe, you will never be ready.When my grandfather called, and my father in a flat tone said, ¨grandma just died¨, I still don't recall what really happened. I all wished it were a dream, I could never imagine it, until the reality crashed in.

As I saw her laying asleep in the bed, I could just imagine that she was asleep. I knew she was gone, there was no back, but inside I wanted her asleep. As i get near to her, I see her finally resting in peace, and knew it was the end. She was still warm, and her face looked as younger as ever. I couldn't really count how long I stood staring at her dead body. Half of me was gone. I was identical to her, just like her grandmother.

They took her away in a black bag into a car. They would prepare her for the cremation of her body and her final goodbye. A the car took her away, there was an endless silence.

The cremation was as fast as possible. We had to overcome the loss or then it would be torture to all our family. In the cemetery, I was surprised of all the people who came. it went pretty fast, but as I saw her face in the coffin before saying goodbye, I almost couldn't make it.

After the ceremony, our biggest concern now was our grandfather. It was really sad. One month ago, they had celebrated their 50th anniversary. The same day of her death I saw her as happier as ever. She came to see my sisters in a horseback riding competition. Then, she went with my grandfather for lunch. He told us she was so happy that day. As they were going back to their apartment, she started collapsing, until her heart stopped.

The past months, I have been able to overcome my sadness. I miss her so much, but I know that it was time. I still have the days when I sit alone, and feel really alone. She has also been in my dreams, but they fade away as fast as her death.